Finally, a use for math!
Winner of Best Song at the 2021 Pwnie Awards: https://pwnies.com/winners/

New tech songs drop first on Twitter: https://twitter.com/forrestbrazeal

Music and lyrics by Forrest Brazeal:
One day I asked my teacher, What use is math to me?
She answered: When you're older, some day my boy you'll see...
There's a world of computer systems out there
Full of valuable data and not secured with care
And you can make a fortune in ransomware...

With a little bit of math!
It's called encryption,
Just a little bit of math,
Cause a conniption;
Lock the data, hide the key;
They'll pay up eventually,
It's the power of math.

Ransomware is big now
Because it's organized
You can buy it as a service
And sell it for a prize
There's a whole world of tempting targets to hack -
Governments, hospitals, schools to attack
And they pay up in Bitcoin, hard to trace back;

`Cause it's just math!
We call it crypto!
Just a...actually a whole bunch of math
No need to tiptoe,
Hackers whisper, don't be nervous,
We take pride in customer service...

Well then I told my teacher, I'm feeling terrified;
How can we protect ourselves from all this cybercrime?
She said, Don't click weird links, or use "password123".
Make offline backups, invest in security.
And that's when I realized how screwed we might be...

Just do the math!
So many systems
If they all took a bath
Wouldn't we miss them?

Next time there's no meat or water or gas
And we slide a little closer to the day of wrath
You can blame IT, or some Russian sociopath
But personally, I blame math.

Written and performed by Forrest Brazeal (x3)

New tech songs drop first on Twitter: https://twitter.com/forrestbrazeal

Lyrics:
VERSE 1
My day was going great;
Just pushed a code update;
But then the pagers started humming:
Oops, did I just delete
Half the production fleet?
That sinking feeling's coming, from deep within my plumbing

PRECHORUS
Now my life is flashin',
Hope my boss will show compassion
And I really, really need someone to say...

CHORUS
Hey hey hey, it's gonna be okay.
You didn't just set fire to your resume.
This happens to the best,
Try not to get too stressed,
It'll be an awesome story someday.

VERSE 2

I tweaked a small config,
Turns out that it was big
And now my app has been beheaded;
When I do something wrong,
I fear I don't belong,
How can the world forget it, we're trending now on Reddit.

PRECHORUS 2
Oh, mistakes will find you
But you've got a team behind you
So fix the process, yes, but don't dismay:

CHORUS 2
Hey hey hey, it's gonna be okay.
We'll do a full postmortem some other day.
It was a swing and miss,
We're gonna learn from this
And we'll all be better engineers, like,
 
BREAK
Look, here's what you need to know when something gets destroyed
If there's negligence or malice then you shouldn't be employed
But if a human is assumin' then the problem is the system;
It's gut-wrenching, butt-clenching, but you work with 'em.
It can happen to a junior, happen to a senior.
Just because you caused a little pause doesn't mean you're
Incompetent, it means you're doing work with real effect.
It's a scar of battle, baby. That'll earn you some respect.

PRECHORUS 3
And we all have been there
Made a slip or two or ten there;
So we try to do a blameless RCA...

CHORUS 3
Hey hey hey, it's gonna be okay.
You will still be here when this blows away.
We've all screwed something up,
So welcome to the club.
We would love to hear your story someday.

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